The Shell of the Transforming Me

Good morning! It's 0400 hrs on my day off and no I have not been to bed yet. Went to the Reno Rodeo tonight. Got some cool photos (I'll be posting on my facebook later.) After the rodeo I went and hung out at my friends house for a bit. In sitting there talking with her husband and she, I said something that put my view of my body down. It's nothing different then I've said before. But something came to mind that I read in Jillian Michaels book. In this book she asks the question, Do you have a negative self-image? Do you constantly say things like, "I'm fat and ugly," or do you pick yourself apart and beat yourself up when you look in the mirror?

To be honest, I don't know of a day where I haven't put myself down. How sad is that?

Jillian then goes on to ask, How is this negativity serving you? Is what you say about yourself really the truth? What is the purpose? Is it a defense mechanism, and if so, against what? Are you just making complicated excuses? How does this kind of negativity help you achieve your goals?

I have said I am ugly and fat for so long that I ended up believing myself and I think I let that define me more than my personality defining me. I believed it so much that I could have introduced myself as Elle, the fat and ugly one. I know I still have things to work on and I will never be the perfect image that I have in my head.

Jillian also talks about reversing those negative thoughts about yourself. Instead of putting yourself down (setting yourself up to fail before you begin) she says to change those into positive statements. The more you say them, the more you will believe them and the more you become them.

So, instead of calling myself fat and ugly, I will now say I am a skinnier version of the old me, a work in progress. I don't know if I just want to be a skinnier version of the old me.... Let's see... I could be the skinnier shell of a transforming Elle.

I will now be more aware of how I label myself. Because in the old label that I had for myself, I was setting myself up for failure. Yes, I did lose 60lbs while saying that, but then the weight stopped falling off. I am going to start believing that I can do this life change. I am going to start going to the gym again. And I have a hill out in front of our house that I am going to climb this weekend.

Life is changing for the better in my personal life. I am changing things, cleaning things out of my life physically, emotionally and mentally.

I believe that I can hit my goals. I am going to do the things I have set out to do.

Journey

So, I have been keeping track of my weight loss journey on my Facebook, but recently my friend Crystal told me I should start a blog about it. In keeping this blog, I will be held accountable not only to myself but from those of you who read my blog. I'll be posting my current progress, pictures and foods eaten... There will probably other things filling this page as well. Such as things that I'm learning on this journey. I hope you stay tuned as I am traveling this road that God has set before me.

I am currently reading Winning By Losing by Jillian Michaels. The following are some quotes from the book.

"Embrace your perceived imperfections - they make you unique - and love who you are. It is the only way to move forward."

"As you are envisioning the changes in your future, you must begin to let go of your past."

"The key to success s having a game plan for every situation that might throw you off course."

                                                        May 2008 - San Francisco
                                                            My heaviest weight